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Monthly Archives: August 2012

Ira at the Lake

Ira at the Lake by tiff85
Ira at the Lake, a photo by tiff85 on Flickr.

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Muscle and bone are meant to move: a lot.

As soon as I quit focusing on exercising to lose weight and started doing it to feel stronger and better the results became undeniable. I feel differently when I stand up, roll out of bed, get clothes out of the dryer, run with the kids. More stamina, flexibility and power behind my movements.

Sensuality, I think is derived out of that confidence that is birthed out of getting to know yourself in a physical way. There is a profoundness in discovering yourself in that way, that seems to be demoted under having someone else understand you physically. I am starting to think that knowing yourself physically is sort of a prerequisite for having someone else blow your mind sexually.

Another difference I notice is that moving with focus, like following exercise videos, makes a radical difference in the quality of my workout. Aligning my shoulders right, watching my stance, pulling my tummy in all make the actions have a more powerful resort and then I remind myself of that throughout the day when moving. I get more active in different actions, incorporating my new tools into how I move. I think I understand why there were times in my life when I was active but not getting results, I needed that coaching.

All in all, I guess the biggest difference is mentally. I am less irritable. The kid’s little shit storms don’t seem to affect me in a way that causes me to overreact. I seem more focused. More apt to get shit done on my house without feeling defeated. I read with a better attention span. I feel less panicky and am sleeping better at night. I feel celebratory.

I’m happy. I thought the other day, that maybe I have held on to this idea that happiness and joy were superficial. That depression was related to sophistication. Fuck it. I’ll feel it all deeply, joy, anger, sorrow, sadness, sensuality, powerful. Feel it all and then…come back to center. Back to myself; where I am.

You : A Lens Flare

a momentary flaw

perfected on my landscape

Tattered wooden frame

weeds bent against my bare legs

tickled by a scratchy heat

my cotton dress

washed and worn apart.

You turn your head

to hear

a hollowed out wind

in a vacant field

breezes which circulated hundreds of years ago

and escaped from the breath of a baby

at it’s mothers breast

coming softly forth

unlike the crushing wail forced out when pushed from the

safe moist warmth

of Mother

she yelped

an arched

and clutched forward

as she wished she had needed to

when

the one in her arms was conceived

Her Repressed,

forced silence

accepted resentfully

compressed to a hard strength

waiting to be utilized

through whispered hushes to sons and daughters

hoping to eradicate

the Way Things Have Always Been

one poignant subtlety at a time, each mild rebuke, each weary gaze and gentle encouragement

crafted into a hope of change

pissed away in a dirty alley

clean shoe planted in puddle

given up on her daughter’s knees

gagging on a cock shoved

where her voice should have been

But this is before time

in an old barn

and we’re lifting old fabric out of a box

before a few weeks pass

and you shoot a bird

and cry

for the bird  is only singing;

this is when we learn of sin

and we are only eating fruit

when the juice slides down our chins.

Woman Centered Mode

So new-to-me women favorites

aforementioned Tiffany Rothe (workout videos)

Cindy Gallop: Her apartment and her Talk on TED

http://www.dwell.com/videos/bold-color-small-space-the-black-apartment.html

 

http://blog.ted.com/2009/12/02/cindy_gallop_ma/

Tavi Gevinson who is also on TED but this is her website link :

http://www.thestylerookie.com/

I feel pretty effin’ inspired right now. Enough to take a stroll downtown with the camera and my Smokey Robinson playing in the background.

Also, props to Lisa D. for my amazing neck rub tuneups and even my dirty feet.

This morning when I woke up I felt the benefits of doing that Tiffany Rothe waist workout. Damn underneath all that I guess I didn’t know what my waist felt like. But there it was. I also noticed the past few days that when I am driving my neck is a lot less tense that it has been in the past few years. I think these massages every two weeks and this exercise and maybe eating so much Turmeric is helping. All in all, I am making an effort to get in the habit of loving myself and taking care of my needs.

The kids started to wear me out today at Old Navy and I felt that blood pressure rising but all in all, the stronger I get physically the stronger I get mentally. I did a ten minute workout and then a ten minute stretch with a little meditation.

The kids have been in their room for over an hour and yet they are still fighting and bickering.If I could get a solid hour to myself while they are asleep I know I would feel better. I get tired of having to be yelling and swatting and carrying toys to the trash. Nothing really works and it is a constant source of frustration to have my boundaries respected. Of course, that is the path for a single mom, because I don’t have a partner saying “Hey, go take a bath or a walk.” So I have to just try to find and share that love in my heart with them in a brief minute of mediation.

I am getting excited about taking Tin & Tonic down to the Farmer’s Market next month and I am not questioning cash box, apron, or kick ass Fanny pack.

Well, shit, now the boys bickering woke Veda up. No free time for me.

Love ’em all the same.

Those are some of the books I have been wanting to check out lately.

Taylor just stopped by with his friend Jeremy. Luckily, I had finally taken a bath. I worked out this morning, did two more ten minute workout videos tonight and then a stretch and meditation one. I know I am bummed about the distance to my goal. But when I finally get moving and over the hump of hesitation, I enjoy it and realize that it will be constant. You have to (cliche as it sounds) enjoy the journey. Because it’s like cleaning house, I use to clean and then when it got clean, I’d stop, and of course, it’d get trashed again.  The same with working out. It’s a constant_maintenance. And honestly, it’s fun. The movement is creative. I feel that same drive I did as a kid. Basically I feel unlimited. And it helps to temper my cerebral overdrive that makes me feel imbalanced. So here is a plug to Tiffany Rothe’s Youtube videos.